Stories of faith, hope and healing on the road to self acceptance as gay men.
A story by Chris:
My first recollection around New Hope Ministries was while I was staying at my sister’s house in Eagle River, Alaska.
Two months prior my sister, Kathy, had asked me if I was gay. I felt like I couldn’t lie to her so I quietly mumbled,
“Yes.” … completely ashamed.
She asked me if she could tell my two older brothers, John and Eric, because they were worried about me. I was horrified! As quick as I possibly could I protested,
“NO!!!”
The next morning I answered a knock at my front door. There stood my brother Eric, who lived in Mission Viejo, California, on my doorstep in Boise, Idaho!
Eric looked angry and snapped at me,
“Pack up your things, you are coming back to California with me!”
After quite a bit of arguing about this, Eric convinced me to at least go talk with my brother John with him. I was completely blindsided by the whole thing. We drove to John’s house and in the middle of yet another argument I looked up to see my older brother, John, with tears streaming down his face. He told me that before our mother died she had asked he and Eric to take care of me.
Well … what could I say to THAT?
I packed up my things, with Eric’s help, and caught a flight to Southern California with my brother. I was twenty years old, but somehow this felt like I was being kidnapped.
For some reason, my stay at my brother’s house only lasted a couple of weeks. I was then shipped to my brother Joe’s apartment in Washington state, and then a couple of more weeks later I was on a plane to Alaska.
My feelings at the time were that they were so disgusted by me that they could only stand to be around me for so long … like I had a disease, or something they might catch.
By the way, Alaska in the wintertime really isn’t that enjoyable. Just in case you were wondering. 😉
Around Christmas I was told that my siblings had found a place for me … but they couldn’t “make” me go there, I had to be the one to decide. At that point I didn’t know what the hell else I was supposed to do … I was twenty years old in Alaska in December; thousands of miles away from any friends or the man I had been secretly dating in Idaho.
I talked on the phone with Anita Worthen, the wife of New Hope Founder and Leader, Frank Worthen. She asked me if I would commit to living at New Hope for their one year program. I said I would and then prepared to fly BACK to the Bay Area … where I was originally from in the first place.
I was embarking on a journey, choosing a path that would forever alter my trajectory in life.
– pic shared from Carnival Cruiselines.
CHRIS ANDERSON was born in San Jose, CA and raised in a Christian missionary family as the youngest of nine children. Chris moved to New Hope Ministries when he was twenty years old. He lived there for two years, and began being mentored to be a Youth Pastor by the pastor of the church that supported the ministry, Church of the Open Door. When Chris began asking questions and then ultimately “coming out”, he was excommunicated from the tight-knit community. Feeling rejected by virtually everyone, at age 23 Chris decided to follow his dreams. He quit his corporate job and began waiting tables with the hope of becoming a singer. A year later he was discovered by a voice teacher, and later accepted into The San Francisco Conservatory of Music as a Voice Major. Chris has performed opera in venues throughout Europe, China and the United States.
Currently, Chris is working on furthering his original dream; composing and performing his own original songs, in the form of Collaborative Composition: a music project where anyone, anywhere in the world can contribute their ideas for accompaniment to the “a capella” vocals of his original, spiritually focused songs.
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Two friends, Larry and Chris, whose joint stint in New Hope ministries, a communal “reparative therapy” (or “ex-gay”) program, has sparked a friendship lasting almost twenty years. Through those years Larry and Chris have struggled to discover who they are as spiritual gay men whose relationship with God could never be taken away or denied.
They’ve fought, they’ve laughed, they’ve loved and somehow, through Guidance neither could have foreseen, they’ve found their way to loving and accepting themselves as gay men … gay men who are loved by God, just as they are.
These are their stories.